Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Interesting Facts II
1. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
4. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
5. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
6. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
7. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
8. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
9. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
10. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
11. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
12. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
13. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
14. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
15. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
16. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
17. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
18. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. (rumor)
19. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
20. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
21. Pearls melt in vinegar.
22. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
23. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
24. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
25. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. (Or does it? http://www.acoustics.salford.ac.uk/acoustics_world/duck/duck.htm)
26. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
27. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' The second was William Jefferson Clinton.
28. Turtles can breathe through their butts.
29. Butterflies taste with their feet.
30. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
31. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
32. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
33. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
34. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
35. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
36. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
37. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (or can you? http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow.jpg http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow2.jpg)
38. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
39. A snail can sleep for three years.
40. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'
41. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
42. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!
43. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
44. All polar bears are left handed.
45. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
46. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
47. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
48. 'Go', is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
49. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
50. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
51. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
52. Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.
2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
4. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
5. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
6. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
7. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
8. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
9. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
10. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
11. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
12. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
13. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
14. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
15. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
16. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
17. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
18. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. (rumor)
19. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
20. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
21. Pearls melt in vinegar.
22. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
23. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
24. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
25. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. (Or does it? http://www.acoustics.salford.ac.uk/acoustics_world/duck/duck.htm)
26. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
27. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' The second was William Jefferson Clinton.
28. Turtles can breathe through their butts.
29. Butterflies taste with their feet.
30. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
31. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
32. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
33. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
34. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
35. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
36. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
37. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (or can you? http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow.jpg http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow2.jpg)
38. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
39. A snail can sleep for three years.
40. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'
41. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
42. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!
43. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
44. All polar bears are left handed.
45. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
46. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
47. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
48. 'Go', is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
49. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
50. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
51. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
52. Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.
Interesting Facts I
1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)
9. Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, did they ask them?)
10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
12. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy)
13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
15. Butterflies taste with their feet.
16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
17. Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)
9. Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, did they ask them?)
10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
12. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy)
13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
15. Butterflies taste with their feet.
16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
17. Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
haha another story with justin beaver this time!
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Chuck Norris, woke up in a swamp. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abundantly exasperated, Chuck Norris poked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Eiffel Tower was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Wonder Woman. Chuck Norris had known Wonder Woman for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Wonder Woman was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... insensitive. Chuck Norris called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Wonder Woman picked up to a very sad Chuck Norris. Wonder Woman calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Chuck Norris. Why was Wonder Woman trying to distract Chuck Norris? Because she had snuck out from Chuck Norris's with the Eiffel Tower only six days prior. It was a saucy little Eiffel Tower... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Chuck Norris got back to the subject at hand: his Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned. Relunctantly, Wonder Woman invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Eiffel Tower. Chuck Norris grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Wonder Woman realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Eiffel Tower and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Chuck Norris took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least eight minutes before Chuck Norris would get there. But if he took the broom? Then Wonder Woman would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Wonder Woman was interrupted by ten pestering Care Bears that were lured by her Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling angered, she deftly reached for her dull pencil and aggressively grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the broom rolling up. It was Chuck Norris.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Chuck Norris was out of the broom and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Wonder Woman's front door. Meanwhile inside, Wonder Woman was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Eiffel Tower into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Wonder Woman was exasperated but at least the Eiffel Tower was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Wonder Woman indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Chuck Norris opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived retard in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Wonder Woman assured him. Chuck Norris took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Wonder Woman had hidden the Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Chuck Norris was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Wonder Woman noticed a pestering look on Chuck Norris's face. Chuck Norris slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Wonder Woman felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Chuck Norris asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Eiffel Tower right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Chuck Norris's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chuck Norris nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Wonder Woman could react, Chuck Norris aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Eiffel Tower was plainly in view.
Chuck Norris stared at Wonder Woman for what what must've been three minutes. A few freaknasty minutes later, Wonder Woman groped scandalously in Chuck Norris's direction, clearly desperate. Chuck Norris grabbed the Eiffel Tower and bolted for the door. It was locked. Wonder Woman let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chuck Norris,' she rebuked. Wonder Woman always had been a little abrasive, so Chuck Norris knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Wonder Woman did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his Eiffel Tower tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Wonder Woman looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Chuck Norris. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Chuck Norris. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Wonder Woman walked over to the window and looked down. Chuck Norris was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Chuck Norris was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Wonder Woman's place. Chuck Norris had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Eiffel Tower. One by one they latched on to Chuck Norris. Already weakened from his injury, Chuck Norris yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Eiffel Tower.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Chuck Norris's Eiffel Tower. Feeling relieved, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His homemade car and jetted away with the fortitude of 61 Indonesian devil cats running from a enlarged pack of albino cats. Chuck Norris danced with joy when he saw this. His Eiffel Tower was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, justin beaver, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet unborn fetus'). Chuck Norris was giddy. And so, everyone except Wonder Woman and a few unborn fetus-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Wonder Woman picked up to a very sad Chuck Norris. Wonder Woman calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Chuck Norris. Why was Wonder Woman trying to distract Chuck Norris? Because she had snuck out from Chuck Norris's with the Eiffel Tower only six days prior. It was a saucy little Eiffel Tower... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Chuck Norris got back to the subject at hand: his Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned. Relunctantly, Wonder Woman invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Eiffel Tower. Chuck Norris grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Wonder Woman realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Eiffel Tower and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Chuck Norris took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least eight minutes before Chuck Norris would get there. But if he took the broom? Then Wonder Woman would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Wonder Woman was interrupted by ten pestering Care Bears that were lured by her Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling angered, she deftly reached for her dull pencil and aggressively grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the broom rolling up. It was Chuck Norris.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Chuck Norris was out of the broom and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Wonder Woman's front door. Meanwhile inside, Wonder Woman was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Eiffel Tower into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Wonder Woman was exasperated but at least the Eiffel Tower was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Wonder Woman indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Chuck Norris opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived retard in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Wonder Woman assured him. Chuck Norris took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Wonder Woman had hidden the Eiffel Tower. Wonder Woman yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Chuck Norris was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Wonder Woman noticed a pestering look on Chuck Norris's face. Chuck Norris slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Wonder Woman felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Chuck Norris asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Eiffel Tower right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Chuck Norris's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chuck Norris nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Wonder Woman could react, Chuck Norris aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Eiffel Tower was plainly in view.
Chuck Norris stared at Wonder Woman for what what must've been three minutes. A few freaknasty minutes later, Wonder Woman groped scandalously in Chuck Norris's direction, clearly desperate. Chuck Norris grabbed the Eiffel Tower and bolted for the door. It was locked. Wonder Woman let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chuck Norris,' she rebuked. Wonder Woman always had been a little abrasive, so Chuck Norris knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Wonder Woman did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his Eiffel Tower tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Wonder Woman looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Chuck Norris. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Chuck Norris. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Wonder Woman walked over to the window and looked down. Chuck Norris was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Chuck Norris was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Wonder Woman's place. Chuck Norris had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Eiffel Tower. One by one they latched on to Chuck Norris. Already weakened from his injury, Chuck Norris yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Eiffel Tower.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Chuck Norris's Eiffel Tower. Feeling relieved, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His homemade car and jetted away with the fortitude of 61 Indonesian devil cats running from a enlarged pack of albino cats. Chuck Norris danced with joy when he saw this. His Eiffel Tower was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, justin beaver, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet unborn fetus'). Chuck Norris was giddy. And so, everyone except Wonder Woman and a few unborn fetus-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Completely Random Story
It all started when our overrated adventurer, Radioactive Man, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously pleased, Radioactive Man groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Sponge Bob. Radioactive Man had known Sponge Bob for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Sponge Bob was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Radioactive Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Sponge Bob picked up to a very sad Radioactive Man. Sponge Bob calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Sponge Bob trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because he had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only two days prior. It was a sassy little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Sponge Bob yawned. Relunctantly, Sponge Bob invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sponge Bob realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Radioactive Man took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, he had take at least three minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Sponge Bob would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sponge Bob was interrupted by six abrasive Care Bears that were lured by his diary. Sponge Bob panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he carefully reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Sponge Bob's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sponge Bob was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Sponge Bob was relieved but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Sponge Bob explosively purred. With a hasty push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive genocidal maniac in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sponge Bob assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat nearby where Sponge Bob had hidden the diary. Sponge Bob panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Sponge Bob noticed a dimwitted look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Sponge Bob felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sponge Bob could react, Radioactive Man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Radioactive Man stared at Sponge Bob for what what must've been five days. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Sponge Bob groped indiscriminately in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sponge Bob let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' he rebuked. Sponge Bob always had been a little pestering, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sponge Bob did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Sponge Bob looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sponge Bob walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Sponge Bob's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
About six hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting secret vineyard, Radioactive Man was alarmingly lost. As if it really mattered he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous Care Bear emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Sponge Bob was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Radioactive Man... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
Sponge Bob picked up to a very sad Radioactive Man. Sponge Bob calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Sponge Bob trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because he had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only two days prior. It was a sassy little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Sponge Bob yawned. Relunctantly, Sponge Bob invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sponge Bob realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Radioactive Man took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, he had take at least three minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Sponge Bob would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sponge Bob was interrupted by six abrasive Care Bears that were lured by his diary. Sponge Bob panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he carefully reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Sponge Bob's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sponge Bob was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Sponge Bob was relieved but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Sponge Bob explosively purred. With a hasty push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive genocidal maniac in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sponge Bob assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat nearby where Sponge Bob had hidden the diary. Sponge Bob panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Sponge Bob noticed a dimwitted look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Sponge Bob felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sponge Bob could react, Radioactive Man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Radioactive Man stared at Sponge Bob for what what must've been five days. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Sponge Bob groped indiscriminately in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sponge Bob let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' he rebuked. Sponge Bob always had been a little pestering, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sponge Bob did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Sponge Bob looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sponge Bob walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Sponge Bob's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
About six hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting secret vineyard, Radioactive Man was alarmingly lost. As if it really mattered he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous Care Bear emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Sponge Bob was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Radioactive Man... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
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